Monday, May 21, 2007

Generic Brand Soda of the Day #1


"Snakes...Snakes...I don't know no Snakes."

In one of the greatest cinematic achievements of all time, Home Alone, after Kevin foils the Wet Bandits' first attempt to break into the McCallister home with the Angels with Dirty Faces videotape, Marv and Harry ponder the identity of the man named "Snakes" whom they believed to have been murdered in the house. Harry, the brighter of the two, reasons to his partner, "Supposing the cops finger us for a job, and they start asking questions about a murder in the area. Wouldn't it be nice to have a face to go with their questions?"

The same holds true for the soda pictured above. Now, normally my allegiances lie with "Mountain Fury," a Roundy's version of Mountain Dew. While Roundy's, a Milwaukee-based foodstuffs corporation and supplier of Pick n' Save grocery stores, produces everything from canned green beans to flour tortillas to hot dog buns, they have really perfected their kingdom of sodas, with "Fury" taking its rightful place atop its non-perishable throne. The reason behind the exposition above stems from Harry's quote. Mountain Holler has truly put a face on unmitigated refreshment.

The two-liter bottle from which this wrapper was removed was purchased at a local SAV-A-LOT store. I was looking for some drink boxes for the kids on the youth soccer team to enjoy after the game scheduled for later that day. Wandering down the soda aisle, I came upon the obligatory Dr. soda, as well as a cola and several derivitives of fruit-flavored sodas. At the end of the aisle, not unlike the crumpled dollar Charlie Bucket finds that eventually grants him entrance into Wonka's factory, was my white whale. Never before has citrus soda packaging conveyed the true spirit of refreshment, thirst abatement, and quenchiness. The sun logo conveys a simultaneous sense of heat and cold, its rays dulled at the edges, not sharp like they have been drawn by countless children. I was promised that after drinking this beverage, not only would my thirst be blasted away, but I would feel compelled to run to the nearest mountaintop and HOLLER at the top of my lungs. You can not not feel good drinking this.

The Verdict: Satisfaction. The soda itself was much fizzier than Dew, which made it much fresher tasting. I was taken back ten years or so to the days when Faygo was producing something called Arctic Sun, of which I had drunk but one or two glasses before it was mercilessly yanked from store shelves. In summation, if I didn't have to drive to a potentially unsafe grocery store (which had a door to a police sub-station mere feet within its outder doors), this might become my soft drink of choice.

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