Wednesday, September 26, 2007

1981 Topps Tournament -- Quarterfinal, Match 4

Seed #11 Britt Burns (#412) VS. Seed #3 Ellis Valentine (#445)



Sorry it's been so long since the last post, but my computer took a shit a couple of days ago, and I just got back on-line last night.

I'm also a little sad that my personal favorite, Pete Redfern, is not in this matchup. The comments in Round of 16, Match 6 contained two solid votes for Burns, one for Redfern, and one comment that mentioned Redfern by name, but was vague as to whether or not the intent to vote was there. If I were a Republican, I would have found a way to get Pete "Where the" Redfern "Grows" into the quarters, possibly through the use some extra special 11th-hour Florida Supreme Court influence, but I'm not that kind of guy.

Alas, we are left with Burns V. Valentine. Let's face it, Ellis is here on the strength of his unorthodox batting helmet. I wrote at length as to what that thing actually is in the Round of 16, yet it still fascinates me. Without question, it belongs in the Sports Equipment Hall of Fame (currently under construction in Sandusky, Ohio, to be completed in the winter of 2009). What else can you find there, you ask? Well, there's John Olerud's infield batting helmet, Tom Dempsey's half-shoe, late Packer Charles Martin's 1986 "Bears Hit List" towel, Joe Niekro's emery boards, and Gary Gaetti's grandfathered earflap-less batting helmet.

I can reach but one conclusion: Ellis Valentine moonlighted as a covert operative for M.A.S.K., 1980s syndicated cartoon and toy line. I'll bet if you checked the volcano in his backyard, it would also turn into a battle station.

Oh, and Britt Burns' shirt makes him look pregnant. Ho-hum. Although it is interesting that wikipedia reports that "his career came to a premature end due to a chronic, degenerative hip condition." Yep, pregnancy can do that to a guy.

Vote the heck out of this one, folks. In a couple of days, the semis start. I'll try to throw in a little treat between rounds.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Valentine. I'm not screwing with a guy whose helmet has teeth.

-Kevin

--David said...

I gotta go Valentine with this one...

jinxo said...

Valentine wins this one easily.

Bay Rat North West said...

This is a tough one. Normally a Valentine Spy Kit would make you a winner. But Burns, who proudly displays his own camel toe, looks ready for a go at the bouncer at Studio 54. Or does he see himself on the mound in those shorty short shorts from 76 and have a look of fear? Hard to tell. Maybe this card was the inspiration for "That's Pat" on SNL. As you can see on Valentine's face, he is unsure just what he is facing in Burns. And worried. So you gotta go with Burns in this Pat gettup.

steve said...

Ellis, my man!

bailorg said...

I'm voting for Burns.

dayf said...

(reads Bay Rat North West's post)

(looks at Britt's card in horrified fascination)

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick he DOES have camel toe! UGH! Valentine! I vote for Valentine! Why can't I unsee what I have seen.......

--David said...

AUGH!!! My eyes, my EYES!!! They burn!!!