Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Generic Brand Soda of the Day #2



While the Mountain Holler packaging conveys a feeling of pure refreshment, this branding, which I cut from a 12-pack of Roundy's Mountain Fury, communicates an entirely different idea altogether:
"We're not even going to effing try."

On a related note, I was drinking a can of this at the workplace a while ago. A co-worker sitting at my table did a double-take, proclaiming that for a second she thought it said "Mountain Fur."
To quote Homer Simpson, "You can really taste the goat."

Monday, May 21, 2007

Generic Brand Soda of the Day #1


"Snakes...Snakes...I don't know no Snakes."

In one of the greatest cinematic achievements of all time, Home Alone, after Kevin foils the Wet Bandits' first attempt to break into the McCallister home with the Angels with Dirty Faces videotape, Marv and Harry ponder the identity of the man named "Snakes" whom they believed to have been murdered in the house. Harry, the brighter of the two, reasons to his partner, "Supposing the cops finger us for a job, and they start asking questions about a murder in the area. Wouldn't it be nice to have a face to go with their questions?"

The same holds true for the soda pictured above. Now, normally my allegiances lie with "Mountain Fury," a Roundy's version of Mountain Dew. While Roundy's, a Milwaukee-based foodstuffs corporation and supplier of Pick n' Save grocery stores, produces everything from canned green beans to flour tortillas to hot dog buns, they have really perfected their kingdom of sodas, with "Fury" taking its rightful place atop its non-perishable throne. The reason behind the exposition above stems from Harry's quote. Mountain Holler has truly put a face on unmitigated refreshment.

The two-liter bottle from which this wrapper was removed was purchased at a local SAV-A-LOT store. I was looking for some drink boxes for the kids on the youth soccer team to enjoy after the game scheduled for later that day. Wandering down the soda aisle, I came upon the obligatory Dr. soda, as well as a cola and several derivitives of fruit-flavored sodas. At the end of the aisle, not unlike the crumpled dollar Charlie Bucket finds that eventually grants him entrance into Wonka's factory, was my white whale. Never before has citrus soda packaging conveyed the true spirit of refreshment, thirst abatement, and quenchiness. The sun logo conveys a simultaneous sense of heat and cold, its rays dulled at the edges, not sharp like they have been drawn by countless children. I was promised that after drinking this beverage, not only would my thirst be blasted away, but I would feel compelled to run to the nearest mountaintop and HOLLER at the top of my lungs. You can not not feel good drinking this.

The Verdict: Satisfaction. The soda itself was much fizzier than Dew, which made it much fresher tasting. I was taken back ten years or so to the days when Faygo was producing something called Arctic Sun, of which I had drunk but one or two glasses before it was mercilessly yanked from store shelves. In summation, if I didn't have to drive to a potentially unsafe grocery store (which had a door to a police sub-station mere feet within its outder doors), this might become my soft drink of choice.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Yount Card of the Day #5

1993 Cardtoons #81


What can you say about a beauty like this? This card has so much going on that I just might have a seizure looking at it. I guess the only thing I can do is create a Top 10 list about it:

The Top 10 Greatest Things About This Card

10. The yellow tights. These were most likely found in the locker of Ricky Bones.

9. Home Plate. It's nailed to the ground like the game is being played at a vacant lot on 16th and Center and is only minutes from being jacked.

8. Robin's use of the bat as an arrow. Robin Yount was too much of a gentleman to pull a stunt like this in a real game, but if for some reason he was required to hit pitches with only the tip of his bat, fencing-style, for an entire season, his average would have dipped to .260, maybe .255.

7. The fringe around the bottom of his tunic. Robinhood Yount would have made a suitable replacement for the Justice League of America's Oliver Queen whenever he got too surly for the others to stand him. Hey, there's a Red Arrow in the League now, why not Blue Arrow?

6. The yellow feather in his cap. Although he played exclusively in the American League, there's no denying that this feather has been plucked from the San Diego Chicken. DNA test results will support this claim. Numbers don't lie! So how did Robin claim this trophy? Let me set the stage for you: July, 1992. Jack Murphy Stadium. Robin, for some reason, has not been elected to the All Star Game...as a player. He gets enough write-in votes, however, to take part in a mascot contest. A Laugh-O-Meter is involved in some way, and Yount comes out on top by using some filthy jokes that B.J. Surhoff told him. With the Phillie Phanatic and Mr. Red left in his wake, Yout makes his way to the trophy stand (presented by Hyundai). A few steps from the podium, the San Diego Chicken lunges at Robin. Approximately three seconds, two haymakers, and a flying elbow later and daggada-daggada-daggada, Bas Rutten-style, all that's left is a yellow pile of carnage. Yount plucks a single feather and hops on the next flight home.

5. "Hangs out with a band of merry basemen" I believe Yount would have felt right at home in Robin Hood times. I mean, have you ever seen a picture of Pete Ladd? Jim Slaton? Vuckovich? Those guys looked like they would have had no problem hiding in the bushes, unwashed, lying in wait to plunder a wayward carriage.

4. Boozers. Let's cut to the chase here.

3. This card "is a parody and is NOT licensed by Major League Baseball..." So...with the proper printing supplies and restraint from using any trademarked images, I, too, can create Robin Yount baseball cards? Sweet!

2. The opponent. He looks like Gargamel to me, but I'm sure Yount had a contemporary that looked more like this guy here. To me, the catcher looks a little like Dave Righetti, Yankee starter turned reliever. I'd like to hear some other thoughts and comparisons.

1. The spilled beer logo. Perhaps in 2008 the Brewers will develop another alternate home jersey just like this. Home Sundays? Mid-week day games? I'll take what I can get.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Oddball Card of the Day #1

FIGHT! Nolan Ryan v Robin Ventura


Had a rummage sale this weekend and found this in a drawer of long-forgotten cards. This made me think of the time in either 1992 or '93, a buddy and I were dropped off at County Stadium for a double-header against the Mariners. The friend wasn't much of a baseball fan, so we called my parents to pick us up at some point in the middle of the second game. We walked the hill to wait for our ride on Blue Mound. Once in the car we were stunned to find out that there had been a bench-clearing brawl just after we had left. Disappointing.
I do remember, however, one fight in the '80s, must've been between the Brewers and Twins, that I saw in person. If I remember correctly, it was Gantner who got ejected, but that was a looooooong time ago.
Here's a link to the Ryan/Ventura fight video. It's number 1 on the top 10 list. Copy. Paste. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lHyZhvgkPo

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Deez


I saved this children's book from certain death at the school where I teach. The librarian was doing some spring cleaning, and she left a pile of books in the lounge (right next to the microwave) which anyone could claim as their own. This was the only one I nabbed. Someday...it will be treasured by my children...and my children's children...and my children's children's children.