Thursday, February 21, 2008

Hidden Treasures: The Box Break Report

The term "box break" is thrown around a lot on these card blogs, so I thought I'd get literal for a moment.

This weekend's purchase is now completely ripped open, and so much hope has fizzled into nothingness. Still, I'd like to share the contents as a warning to others.

You'll know it is time to turn the page when you hear the chimes ring, like this. (Brrrrrrinnnnnnng...)
Let's begin now.

I pulled Steve Carlton's 1984 Topps card SIX TIMES. Opening this box was a little like starring in a Michel Gondry video for the Chemical Brothers. Fans out there will know which one I mean.

Here's some more 1984 Topps nonsense. We've got the oh-so-dreamy eyes of Pete O'Brien alongside the certifiable N.L. player of the '80s, Mike Schmidt. Suffice it to say, all of these dupes are for trade or sale.

This 1978 Topps card of Bruce Kison was the oldest in the box. Those Pirates were pretty smart back then. The decision to switch to a uniform that doubled as pajamas must have allowed the club to sneak hours and hours of extra BP in throughout the course of a season.

This is an Upper Deck minor league card of Billy Wagner. This is posted for no apparent reason.

The 1984 Topps awesomeness continues with Rollie Fingers leading a trio of spectacular relievers. Now two of these men are in the Hall of Fame. Will there ever be room for the third?

Speaking of Brewers, here are a couple I had to post. The uniforms are oh-so-blue. I must point out that Bill Wegman is the only guy I have ever gotten a personally signed autograph from. I was never the type to hassle these guys to sign, and now, more than half of the players are well younger than me, which would make it kind of weird.

This is the best action sot of the pack. Harold Reynolds looks like he's been caught in a dark alley by mugger Carlos Baerga. Someone needs to photoshop this 1991 Topps Stadium Club gem to show Carlos wielding the proper implement. Harold, you are about to get your shit rocked.

Canon EOS Rebel camera: $500
Vinyl carrying case: $75
Pro Canon 120mm 15x AF Macro CL 8-120mm Zoom Lens: $350
Getting close enough to Jose Canseco on a day he's wearing a "Leave Me Alone" T-shirt: Balls the size of New Hampshire

1992 MJB Holographics. This is probably the most oddball of the lot. Pretty clever for an unlicensed card company to print in holograph, making the lack of a proper logo less noticeable.

Up next is a couple of Calgary Cannons and their freshly washed uniforms. Think about how many boardroom meetings must have been held before settling on primary colors.

You all know I love Kevin Bass and his indomitable moustache. When he shaved that thing in like 1992, I'm sure hit batting average went down quite a bit. That's a growth patch the likes of which only Robert Forster can compete.

Rounding out the box is the one guaranteed auto.

I got Chad Ogea.

"I got a rock."

Let's take a long hard look.
Number one, he wasn't even given a proper uniform. There was a pair of shorts left over from the Cleveland Muni League "Lady Indians."
Number two, he was given the job of "seed boy."

Number three, don't ever buy a box of this stuff. Like "Seed Boy" Chad Ogea, you will be made Albert "Joey" Belle's bitch.


dayf said...

Having ripped a couple of these packs and knowing how terrible they are, I was shocked to see that you had actually bought a blaster. I didn't know they had an auto card in the box though. That would have tempted the hell out of me. Thanks for opening my eyes to the horror that is this box.

Brian said...

all I can say is; "wow." and not in a good way...

NMboxer said...

A grateful nation thanks you for the warning.

That flying hat on the Harold Reynolds card is nice, though.

--David said...

Normally, I'd agree with the sad purchase of a HT box, but you DID pull an Indians auto... Any chance you wanna trade that puppy?