Friday, April 11, 2008

Dr. Steve's Doctored Cards #5

This next installment will most likely be the end of speech bubbles on these doctored cards. Dr. Steve was putting the finishing touches on his "textual period," which relied on verbal skewers run through deserving targets. Let's check in on this era's sunset.

1991 Fleer #454 Mike Jackson

Ahhh, what passes for humor in the middle school mind. I recall a forensics tournament, probably in 1991 or 1992, where my group produced a "Weekend Update" rip-off news satire segment. One of our "stories" chronicled Michael Jackson gradual transformation from man to not-quite-man to darn-near-woman. Visual aids told our story, complete with ever-increasing year placards. Our starting point was 1982 and Thriller. Joey "Cuff" Czebotar brought in a family member's record album. There were a few years in between with accompanying photos. We made our big finish with the current year and a picture of a woman ripped out of a magazine. I'm glad to see that, although I did not know Dr. Steve at this time, we shared some of the same still-developing wit.

Some might call this card Dangerous. As a preventative measure against any other horrible puns, I make full disclosure that the Mike Jackson who pitched for the Mariners, Phillies, Giants, Reds, Indians, Astros, Twins, and White Sox did at no time during the production and distribution of this card smash the windows of a car parked in a generic "threatening inner-city alley" with a crowbar, mount the roof of the car, and grab his crotch repeatedly.

Now that I think about it, the video morphing technology that Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video pioneered would perfectly suit the journeyman status of middle relievers like Mike Jackson and his contemporaries. How about a video that uses the morph editing tool, depicting Jackson's career that bounced him between both leagues, but set to David Bowie's "Changes." Is there anybody out there who can do that? Meh, probably a waste of time.

Last add: After posting this, I went back and actually watched the Michael Jackson video. George Wendt, Macaulay Culkin, a row of bobbleheads...?!? Holy shiz, there was a lot more going on in that video than I remembered!

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