Saturday, May 17, 2008

My Secret Shame #1

This blog has covered a lot of territory over the past year or so I've been working on it, but never have I been so embarrassed to share with my readers the content of this new segment. Don't worry, we're far from done with Dr. Steve's Doctored Cards, there's still a small stockpile of Americana to share, and although it might not seem as such, I haven't forgotten about the gooey centers and sealed-in flavor of Mmmmmmmm...Cards.
That being said, let's unveil the newcomer to the blog...Thorzul's Secret Shame!

Yes, it's my childhood sticker book, and no, I wasn't a girl. The picture above is a shot of the cover. My album was nowhere near as fancy as some of the ones available in the '80s, printed on relatively flimsy stock and without those clear plastic film coverings that rivaled honest-to-goodness photo albums, but it was what I had to go with. Let's take a closer look to some of the dynamite stickers that made the cut.

First off we have a Good Patient sticker. To be honest, most of my stickers were acquired through trips to the doctor. Yes, allergies are (and were) a bitch. Little Thorzul was allergic to basically everything that grows, which made weekly trips to the local clinic for allergy shots very necessary. Stickers like the one below conjure up olfactory memories of rubbing alcohol. This one in particular is a little too U-Rah-Rah-America for my taste, so I'm guessing I wasn't in any mood to search through the tin of stickers with gusto, hoping to find just the right one. Come to think of it, the nurses administering the injections were usually old and not at all hot in a B-movie sort of way, so I probably just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. One last memory these reward stickers dredge up is the rotating "art" that lined the walls of the waiting room. Once a month the paintings hanging on the walls would be changed, most likely traded between floors of the clinic. This practice stopped sometime around 1986 and the "art" has not moved a fraction of an inch since. Expect to see more of these stickers in future posts.
I fucking earned them!

Up next is what I think is a Panini sticker of some guy on the Detroit Red Wings. At least stickers like these help legitimize the presence of the album in my blog. Around my fifth grade year, a couple of the guys in my class started getting into hockey. I was really on the outskirts of this group, having no interest in spending what little money I had on a sport I had no way of even watching (no cable TV in my house). This sticker was probably one of the doubles I was given in attempt to win me over to the sport. No dice, bitch! Theoren Fleury or bust!

The last one we'll take a closer look at is this devilish creature. If you're true child of the 1980s, you'll know that this little guy is a Boglin. For those of you not familiar with the toy line, they were little hand puppets with movable eyes that were made out a material usually reserved for sex toys of various lengths and girths. Again, this was something I never owned, but was able to experience vicariously through the generosity of Kellogg's cereal promotions, one of which was a sheet of 100 Boglin stickers (of the lick n' stick variety). Boglins were all the rage at my school for a few months (along with Pogo Balls), until they were banned indiscriminately because a few of the boys were using their Boglins to punch people in the stomachs. In the mind of a third grader, I guess that's a pretty effective method of deflecting blame. You'll find the rest of the album peppered with more of these.

I hope you have enjoyed he first installment of My Secret Shame. I promise that each successive page will get better and better.


dayf said...

What the hell is that lizard weasel looking thing on the bottom right corner? That's a strange looking animal.

Also, Unzipped Zack was one of the best stickers from that series. Good choice for the cover.

Russ said...

Now I'm going to have to go through my parent's house to find my Bogglin.

NMboxer said...