Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Weighing In

Over the past month or so, not a day has gone by when I haven't been asked something about Brett Favre by somebody. Yeah, you readers scattered throughout the country think you're sick of wall-to-wall Favre on ESPN and the like, try multiplying that by ten. The problem is that I've been unable to express more than the verbal equivalent of a shrug. The other day, however, I was able to make sense of the situation. And since I'm not too keen on scanning Brewers cards tonight, I'll try to make sense of it for all of you.

This whole situation with Favre is a colossal mess, yet is deceptively simple. Let me craft an analogy for you. Imagine you are the owner of a priceless work of art, say...The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali. In this dream scenario, this work of art hangs on your living room wall and, in the parlance of the time, "really tied the room together." Brett Favre is that painting.

Then let's say that for some reason you and your family find yourselves forced to move. Without question, the Dali is coming with you to your new mansion. But in a haphazard move, the painting gets a small tear in it, perhaps an inch long, near the bottom. Shoot! You're pissed, but it's not a total loss. You try to remedy the situation by hiring a restorative artist, and he in turn goes and spills chili over a substantial portion of it. You wipe it off, but the remnants of the stain are still there. It could still be hung in your new home, but now it is imperfect, and you can't manage to see past that. A short time later, an ironing mishap singes one of the painting's corners. It's still priceless, but its intrinsic value has become seriously diminished. And not too long after that, a hurricane gets ahold of it and rips it right down the middle.

The thing is, your reaction to this tragedy has been mitigated by a series of mini-disasters. You're not happy, you wish it never would have happened, but you were primed for the worst, and thus, the outright catastrophe fails to affect you the same way as if it had happened all at once. Sure, any museum in the world would still pay top dollar for a ripped-in-half Persistence of Memory, but you wish it had never come to that.

Basically, you saw it coming.

It unfolded in small steps, thus lessening the blow. And you learned a little about yourself in the process. Me...I learned that I am a Packer fan and no one player can supersede that. To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, we're all just cheering for laundry.


Editor's Note: To thwart the risk of changing the tone of this entire blog, let me get a few jabs in here. The one thing I hope comes from this is that the Packers take whomever they trade Favre to to the cleaners. Let's screw up the NFL for years to come (in favor of Green Bay, of course) the same way the lowlife Vikings did when they traded all their draft picks for the next seventeen years to the Cowboys in return for Herschel Walker and allowed them to have free reign over the league for the better part of a decade.

Oh, I guess he was traded to the Jets as of 11:38 PM Central. The Dali has been shredded.

3 comments:

dayf said...

What what WHAAAAAAT?

Favre is a JET??

Man oh man oh man did I pick the right year to abandon the NFL.

My condolences on your loss.

Go Dawgs.

Lauren said...

WHERE THE HELL DO YOU LIVE and in what world is a restoration artist eating chili while fixing a Dali? WORST ANALOGY EVER!!!

--David said...

Hey, even a restorationist has to eat SOMETIME... Maybe you should have used a Stradivarius instead... Those restorers eat anything, anywhere.... Or maybe, you should have just gone ahead and used the Wagner... I mean, heck, that 'hermetically sealed' casing cant keep out EVERYTHING, right? I mean, let's say you are trimming the corners of a T206 Wagner, and....