Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Cards That Will Make You Shit Your Pants #1

A visit to my local card shop's bargain bin enabled me to discover this gem. With Halloween just around the bend, I'm proud to present...Battle Packs, the scariest cards ever made!

I can't remember the last time I opened a pack with a battle axe and a mace on the wrapper. It might have been 1988 D'Russ, but I'd have to check my records. The set was produced by Merlin Productions, Inc., circa 1993. Each card contains part of a massive scratch-off game and had its image lifted from the brain of a serial killer. Each day between now and the beginning of my Halloween Contest I will post a new card, and eventually stage a game against my readers (once I re-read and understand the rules, of course).
Here is today's first card.
92 Gargantuan Marauder

The backs of most sports cards simply list the player's affiiation; Mariners, Rangers, Royals and such. The back of this card identifies the Marauder's "Alignment" as "Evil." That's a pretty tough 40-man roster to crack, and a team you'd be hesitant to be traded to. AL pitchers must fret about being traded to the NL where they would have to bat. Battle Cards have to worry about being traded to Evil, where they might have to learn to disembowel and gouge.
The Marauder is shown scaling a mountain somewhere in the highest, most treacherous peaks of the Himalayas. He has just bested the Yeti with his broadsword, and is currently using the Yeti's blindingly white fur hide as a warming pizza delivery bag. Yes, the Marauder delivers pizza pies from his 1985 Chevy Nova when he is not boiling the entrails of the just and skewering the gonads of the good. If he runs over his promised time of thirty minutes, he spares you eternal soul.

On a serious note, it's refreshing to see a CCG (a precursor to Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh!) such as this to have non-rounded corners on its card stock. The single-use nature of this scratch-off based set gives the cards a shorter playing lifetime, but allow them to have sharp corners. Stay tuned for tomorrow's card. You just might shit your pants.

2 comments:

dayf said...

Wow. I'm gonna need some Depends if tomorrow's is even better than today's.

PunkRockPaint said...

Scariest cards ever made... until I finally get around to printing out my entry to your Halloween contest!

Bwaaaah Haaaa Haaaaaa!!!