So the Brewers picked up Trevor Hoffman today. I guess I'm supportive of this, but I'd like to hear from some Padres fans for the verdict. What kind of feeling do you get when he comes in the game? Is it like a bad dream where you're taking a test on some subject that you have absolutely no knowledge of whatsoever, and to top it off, you're naked and fifteen minutes late? 'Cause that's the feeling Derrick Turnbow gave me every time he came in during the ninth inning in 2007. Eric Gahn-yay did the same thing last year before he was demoted to one of the many set-up men in the bullpen.
Or, does he make you feel like a newly-daipered baby, safe and secure that everything will be alright in the ninth inning, that nothing will come squirting out the sides?
Here are a few more Five-dollar group break teams while you chew on that.
Number of cards: 29
Best card: 2006 Topps Turkey Red #489 Chase Utley Red Border Parallel
I may have mentioned it before, but some teams just look flat-out awesome in certain color combinations. Th Phillies slay the color wheel dragon on '06 Turkey Red. Chase Utley may have greazzzzy unkempt hair, but the red border makes him look like Cary-Fucking-Grant on this card
Comments: I could really care less how well the Phillies did in this lot, and I'll bet most of you share this uneducated opinion. The Phillies won the World Series in 2008, and that should get their fans through any mishaps or shortcomings for the next five years or so at least. I know this was true for my dad after the Badgers won the 1994 Rose Bowl against UCLA. I clearly remember my brother and I screwing up the way boys are known to do, and a simple, "Dad, the Badgers won the Rose Bowl," would get us out of hot water. Let me set that stage for you...
(Late 1995. Interior. Day. The contents of a potted plant lie strewn about the floor, intermingled with an album of very valuable and collectable postage stamps.)
Dad: What the hell?!?! How did this happen???
Thorzul: Dad, the Badgers won the Rose Bowl last year.
Thorzul's Brother: Yeah, remember Darrell Bevell's touchdown run?
Dad: Let's go get some ice cream.
There's a few more Howards and Utleys in the lot, including some Generation Now cards from 2007 Topps, if you're into that sort of thing.
Team: Red Sox
Number of cards: 34 (plus the 14-card Boston Team Set)
Best card: 2007 Bowman #219 Hideki Okajima Gold Parallel
Comments: The Boston lot was full of good stuff. There's a couple of Schilling Wal-Mart cards in the 1980 Topps style, a Man-Ram modeled after 1988 Topps, and some nice David Ortiz cards.
Team: Blue Jays
Number of cards: 37
Best card: 1982 Fleer #615 Alfredo Griffin
Comments: I'm not real excited about most of the current Blue Jays, but that Griffin cad is sweet. He looks like he's ready to step into a 1970s blaxploitation film alongside Fred Williamson, Tamara Dobson, and Yaphet Kotto. I also like the 1992 O-Pee-Chee Premier card of Juan Guzman. He understands the intimidation face so well that he decided to use is all throughout the 1991 and 1992 seasons, even when not on the mound. And who can argue with a Tony Fernandez running the bases in beautiful powder blue? No mortal, that's for sure.
Number of cards: 34
Best card: It was a hard choice, but I'm picking the 1982 Donruss #443 Don Sutton because of the Brewers connection and the DuPont Stainmaster Astros 1980s uniform.
Comments: This team was choc-full-o-hits. We've got a 2007 Fleer Die-Cut Hector Gimenez...
...some horizontal inserts...
...and some numbered parallels. I especially like the Phil Garner Gold Website Whore card from '07 Topps.
Phil, at least have the decency to pimp your own team's blog.