Thursday, March 5, 2009

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Upper Deck Edition

While flipping through what will most likely be my only pack of 2009 Upper Deck baseball cards, I was struck by the notion that many of the players in this pack had names that were suited not only for a baseball player, but for someone in another line of work as well. I guess that's what happens when Josh Beckett is the top card in the pack. Seeing his name always makes me think of Quantum Leap and its main character, Sam Beckett. "Sam Beckett stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator...and vanished."

Here are the proposed occupations for these ball-men, should they wake up in an alternate universe.

Josh Beckett (Time-traveling scientist or Irish playwright and poet.)

Max Scherzer (Concentration camp activities director.)

Vladimir Guerrero (Russian Central American colonizer/executioner.)

Kenny Rogers (Psychadelia musician-turned pop-country artist-turned chicken magnate.)

Rafael Furcal (Surfboard smoothener.)

Team Leaders: Adrian Gonzalez (Interior decorator for strongman dictator), Jake Peavy (Militant grammarian.), Brian Giles (Bus driver.)

Alex Rodriguez (Pit crew tire changer.)

Evan Longoria (Desperate househusband.)

Hideki Matsui (Nobel Prize winner in Medicine.)

Pat Burrell (Chainsaw selesman.)

Team Leaders: Tim Lincecum (Research assistant), Randy Winn (Soda wholesaler), Bengie Molina (Mercenary soldier.)

Francisco Liriano (Unemployed.)

Ian Kennedy (Fifth generation blue-blood philanthropist.)

Oliver Perez (Eighth-season newly introduced Telemundo sitcom character.)

Jack Cust (Pottymouth-for-hire.)

Troy Glaus (Paint mixer.)

Milton Bradley (Board game designer.)

Ryan Zimmerman (Line engineer, Daimler-Chrysler.)

Some of those really sucked. Let me know which ones at least made you smile.

5 comments:

capewood said...

Jack Cust

Howard Bagby said...

I thought they were all pretty good. I think basically the same thing every time I pull an Evan Longoria card.

dayf said...

Nooooo not Oliver!

That season never happened!

night owl said...

Well, I'll always go with a Brady Bunch reference.

White Sox Cards said...

Oliver Perez (Eighth-season newly introduced Telemundo sitcom character.)

Kenny Rogers (Psychadelia musician-turned pop-country artist-turned chicken magnate.)

Max Scherzer (Concentration camp activities director.)

All were smile inducing and any reference to Quantum Leap is very much appreciated.