2009 Upper Deck #229 Michael Cuddyer
"Sorry, kid, but there's no way in hell I'm signing that card. Take a closer look there, buddy. What you have there is a gen-yoo-wine 2004 card featuring yours truly which just so happens to be of the Topps variety. That guy standin' o'er there, the one holding the camera see, is a photographer for the Upper Deck company, a competing baseball card entity. Now if I was to go ahead and affix my John Hancock to that there two-and-one-half by three-and-one-half rectangle of ink and cardboard, why, I just might get that Upper Deck contract yanked out from under me. And you and all of your little friends don't want that to happen, do you? Of course you don't, friend. So I'm going to have to hand it back over to you, sans signature, as the French would say, and you are going to run along back to your seat. Sorry, pal, but you're welcome to come on back with a card in your hand that has one of them shiny little hollygrams on the back."
Evidence Enlarged and In Sepia (For No Apparent Reason)