Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Nightmares on Cardboard II: Fourth Place

I know you've all been waiting with baited breath for the spookified Halloween card results, and now you need to wait no longer. I've actually been watching a lot of horror films during the month of October, almost exclusively so. To be honest, I've gotten sort of burned out on them, and this should get me back into the Halloween spirit. (By my recollection, I've viewed Near Dark, Land of the Dead, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Dawn of the Dead (2004), The Vanishing (original, not the American remake), Scanners, High Tension, May, and last night's screening of Nosferatu. Any input you would like to share on any of these films is welcome. I've seen all of them previously except Nosferatu. I was pleasantly surprised to find how much I enjoyed DotD upon second viewing. Fast zombies kick more ass than the Surgeon General recommends!)

Anyways, back to the cards. I was happy that more participants took part in this year's contest, and because the standard has been set so high, the quality has gone up. Coming in at fourth place is Mark from Mark's Ephemera.

1992 Score #311 Jeff Reed

Really great work on the viscera. Sometimes those collisions at the plate can be murder. Just ask Jeff. Unfortunately, I can't give Mark any extra points for thinking the mystery film was Tobe Hooper's Texas Chainsaw Massacre, although that one is among the greats. Which reminds me... what the world needs is a Franklin trading card. You know, the really super annoying guy in the wheelchair?! Most horror movie characters deserve to die, but Franklin deserved to die twice.

The blurb on the back is quite good. Extra props for referencing Patrick McGoohan. His performance in Scanners was memorable, even when all he had to do was sit and talk down to a bunch of guys is suits. Eerily enough, Jeff Reed, like David Cronenberg, is Canadian. If we look at published demographic data, we find that 3.98 out of every 100,000 Americans are killed in handgun homicides each year, while only 0.4 out of every 100,000 Canadians meet the same fate. Going against conventional wisdom, however, chainsaw-related deaths afflict Canadians at a rate nearly twelve times that of their friendly neighbors to the south. Sorry, Jeff Reed, you are a statistic.

(Editor's note: One of the above figures is in fact true, while the other is false. It's best not to name this blog as a source for your big sociology paper.)

Bottom Line: CAUGHT

6 comments:

SpastikMooss said...

Franklin deserved to die like 12 times. That whole time he was wandering around the first house whining about needing help...goddamn...so annoying.

Mark's Ephemera said...

I'll gladly take fourth place. Thanks for hosting the contest. I can't wait to see who beat me. Jeff Reed was born in Joliet, Illinois.

One of the above statements is true.

Motherscratcher said...

Another interesting fact is this: It is way more likely to have your head completely lopped off for no reason by an insane man on a bus in Canada. I'm not sure why but the statistics seem to hold.

Brian said...

Now that is a "play at the plate". Love it.

thewritersjourney said...

Awesome card.

Re: movies. Near Dark is great, very underrated even with its cult status now. I saw it for the first time just over a year ago, and didn't really like it the first time. It took 2 viewings for it to soak in, and have probably watched it 5 or 6 times since then.

If you want to stay in the Halloween mood, check out my radio show Thursday night on http://rockradiocafe.com (a Canadian radio station) at 9 pm (eastern). 3 hours of horror-themed hard rock music and an interview with Tyler Mane (the guy that played Michael Myers in the RZ Halloweens).

PunkRockPaint said...

I absolutely love this card! The "Caught" position is pure genius! I love scary movies!

(Two of these exclamations are true. - Note: I hate scary movies.)