Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Vancouver 2010 Brilliance

So... this is a few days late, but as you already know, Chicago got bounced from the 2016 Olympic race in stunning fashion. Not much to comment on here, other than the "Reverse Pick-Up Game Selection" fashion in which they got dicked by the IOC. Imagine an alternate universe wherein a schoolyard football game is about to take place, but instead of getting picked last as the ultimate humiliation, the team captains just tell the worst player to go home. Pack your knapsack on a stick, Chicago, and get the hell out of here. I'm actually pretty disappointed Chicago crashed and burned so badly, because I could have gotten the best of both worlds had the 2016 games arrived at the Windy City.
A. I would be close in proximity to a huge number of event venues.
B. My city would not suffer the inevitable economic catastrophe that befalls Olympic hosts. Sarajevo 1984, anyone?

Flying in the face of who-the-fuck-cares conventionalism, I decided to look up where the Winter Olympics will take place just a few months from now. Turns out, they're in Vancouver. This was about as ho-hum as a Yankees three-game sweep over the Twins until I discovered this:

Holy fucking awesome mascot, Batman!

The expletive above was not uttered for either of the flank mascots. No, sir, I have no interest in Sumi, the winged rodent with a hockey crease adorning his tri-spiked helmet. Neither do I any interest in Miga (hopefully that's a long-e sounding "i" and not a short-i sounding "i"), some sort of part-seed, part-penguin, scarf-wearing, Alfalfa apologist creature. Nuh-uh.

Holy fucking sasquatch!

Gosh DAMN, that is the coolest Olympic mascot of all-time! When history dictates that Olympic mascots look like rejects from a third-tier Japanese anime for emotionally disturbed four-year-olds, doing a complete one-eighty is the only cure. Let's list the attributes:
A. Thermal boots? Check.
B. Tatted up like a custom chopper mechanic? Check.
C. Hairy as all fuck? Check

DAMN, that is an awesome mascot! If Quatchi doesn't up and devour those two little ones before the finals of the four-man bobsled, an opportunity has been missed. Shave those rings into your fur, big man, you are about to kick some marketing ass!


dayf said...

Yeah, Quatchi is a pretty awesome mascot. No Izzy, that's for damn sure. The saddest thing about the Atlanta 1996 Izzy debacle is that the mascot for the '96 Paralympics was fucking INCREDIBLE. Check it out and think what could have been:


beardy said...

Hell yeah that's a sweet ass mascot! Every once in a while, the IOC will get something right, and they nailed this one.

Is it just me though, or do the past few Olympic mascots look like anime characters?