Saturday, January 16, 2010

Alternative Methods of Getting Yourself on a Baseball Card #1 (NSFW)

A continuing series of classic and contemporary cards that make you ask, "Why?"

Gotta warn people right off the bat, this post is going to get a little crude, not any of my doing, however, but just unavoidable given the subject matter. Alright, maybe not unavoidable, but the crudeness only adds to the overall effect. I would advise younger readers and those with a stronger moral compass than most to leave now.

Okay, let's get down to business. I'm taking this opportunity to present a new feature here at Thorzul Will Rule, "Alternative Methods of Getting Yourself on a Baseball Card."

Non-sports cards have always been around, perhaps as long as baseball cards themselves, but in the past, say, five years, they have started to creep into gen-pop single-sport issues. The rate is only increasing, and I don't really see any end to it. The watershed brand was probably 2006 Topps Allen & Ginter, where a whole host of non-baseball players were a bona fide part of the base set. It took a little longer for this to happen full force to football, but the Mayo sets produced by Topps are essentially the landmark in this practice. (And please don't write in telling me about earlier sets that included non-sports cards. I'm not an archivist, and this is not a scholarly journal. I'm merely a hobbyist who noticed a trend, and these are the sets that stick out to me.)

The presence of all this added fluff, some of which I quite enjoy, actually, begs the question, "What are the criteria for including someone from outside the world of sports in these sport-specific sets?" (I also pre-emptively recognize that the name of this feature is a misnomer, as not all of the cards that will be featured are part of baseball sets. It's just a good term to use to serve as a blanket for all sports.) Then, without further ado...

Alternative Method of Getting Yourself on a Baseball Card #1:
Fly to Argentina for some pussy, and don't let anybody know where you are.

2009 Topps Mayo U.S. Governors Mini #USG40 Mark Sanford, Jr.

The posts of this Mayo product were so intriguing when it first came out that I couldn't resist buying a blaster. It's a fun set with lots of interesting inserts, one of which is a 50-card set of the incumbent U.S. Governors. Apparently, this scandal did not bother Topps in the least, and went ahead with the Sanford card instead of pulling it. I had to check if there was a Rod Blagojevich card in this set; there's not, but that's because he had been out of office since January 2009. (His replacement, Pat Quinn, does have a card.)

It's not like Topps swept the whole thing under the rug. The back of the card acknowledges that Sanford's "second term has been marred by personal crises." To say the least.

I just found it very odd that the only Governor card I got just happened to feature the one sitting governor who had been in the news the most in 2009. Aside from Schwarzenegger and the governor from your home state, how many more can you name? Perhaps a few guys whose names pop up in presidential campaign years? And Jeb Bush, there's him. But looking at the list, I recognized only a small handful of names. Bobby Jindal from Louisiana, David Paterson (who gets made fun of on SNL), and not too many more.

My new favorite is Butch Otter from Idaho.
Butch Otter: "Hey everyone, how about we all go for a swim in the river after tonight's Indigo Girls concert!"

And Mark Sanford, did you really have to go and do all that just to get on a baseball (football) card? Is there no extra-marital pussy available in South Carolina? Is it out of your price range? Or are you just too selective when it comes to pussy? Perhaps you only have a taste for 43-year-old Argentinian pussy, and anything else is considered sub-par. I'd just like to know what's going on in your head. So does Hawaii governor Linda Lingle. She didn't do any of that stuff, and she still got on a card.

1 comment:

dayf said...

Jeez, I had braced myself for some freaky Japanese cards set prominently depicting tentacles with that warning at the beginning and you go and give me a card of some Republican who is fond of South American cats.