Sunday, February 7, 2010

Part of a Balanced Super Bowl Breakfast

While I'm sure many of you are out right now, fighting the crowds and knocking down the old ladies just so that you can get your hands on the last plate of cheese and cold cuts or the final ingredient for your famous chili dip, I'd like to show you some food I will not be eating during tonight's Big Game. (Oops... shit... now I have to pay the NFL royalties because I used capital letters in my euphemism for today's... ummm... I have to be careful here... sporting contest. There, I think I've avoided any fines with that choice of words.)

Back in January, or perhaps it was December, I was shopping at my neighborhood supermarket, and sitting in front of one of the register endcaps was a display of cereal boxes that were selling for $0.99. Now, you can't even get the type of cereal that comes in bags for ninety-nine cents, so I went for it. This is what I brought home.

"Breakfast Blitz," they called it. And holy crap, look at those logos! That's five G's I've counted on the front and top panels alone. This is official. How can a company sell an officially licensed NFL-branded cereal for $0.99 and make a profit?

The answer friends, is to skimp on taste. The first bowl of this stuff made it clear that the product, in all fairness, should have been called Shitty Nut Cheerios.

Actually, it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be. I've eaten the Roundy's brand Honey Nut Toasted Oats before, and they're not that horrible. It's just in the comparison to the real thing that any difference can be detected. The back of the box was covered with "Packers Fun Facts," which are only fun if you are literate.

So, I hope everyone enjoys today's Super Bo-... I mean... the athletic endeavor event. Can I mention that it's the one that's being held in Miami? I can't? Okay, how about no capital letters? That's fine? Great. miami.

So who are you all rooting for? I guess I have no real rooting interest today other than to see a good, entertaining game. If I'm basing it on my personal experience with either city, I'd have to go with New Orleans. I spent a night there last year, sailing out of the Port of New Orleans on a cruise. The hotel had a decent internet hookup, and the shuttle driver gave us a lot of information about post-Katrina New Orleans. Indiana, on the other hand, threw a monkey wrench into some plans when my family was touring the country by car in 1988 with its screwy time zone discrepancies. And my mailbox has a fleur-de-lys on it.

So, go Saints, marginally.

4 comments:

BASEBALL DAD said...

This "Super Bowl" sounds interesting! I'm going over to our local bowling lanes to see if I can sign up ! I used to be a pretty good bowler.

dayf said...

SUPER BOWL!

SUPERBOWLSUPERBOWLSUPERBOWLSUPERBOWL

S U P E R B O W L

THE BOWL WHAT IS SUPER

SSUUUPPPEEERRRBBBOOOWWWLLL

SUCK IT GOODELL

LOCKOUT 2011

YA CHEEP BASTIDS

SUPER.
BOWL.

Community Gum said...

You're not allowed to say Puppy Bowl? Those Animal Cops are getting really strict!

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