Friday, April 2, 2010

My Heritage Blaster Fantasy Team

Alright, here's my entry into dayf's 2010 Fantasy Heritage Blaster League. I actually got an early heads-up from the man before he announced his intent to the unwashed masses, so I was a little hasty in purchasing and opening up a blaster. Thus, no video, so you'll all have to take my word for the players I have to choose from. I don't think that will be too hard, since I'll be putting together a fairly pedestrian squad. Here's the carnage...

...and here's who I got.

Pack 1:
296 Hiroki Kuroda
252 Dan Uggla
425 Marcus Thames
122 Chicago Cubs
47 NL Wins Leaders
407 Ty Cobb Baseball Thrills
191 Travis Hafner
251 Jarrod Washburn

Pack 2:
192 Gerald Laird
73 Nate McLouth
249 Cincinnati Reds
310 2009 World Series Game #5
217 Carlos Ruiz
324 Mike Pelfrey
295 Rick Ankiel
350 Scott Podsednik

Pack 3:
21 Orlando Cabrera
368 Placido Polanco
354 Minnesota Twins
423 6th Checklist
401 Babe Ruth Baseball Thrills
61 Ryan Church
412 Joe Saunders
445 Chris Volstad SP

Pack 4:
229 Carlos Carrasco
328 Joe Nathan
395 Tommy Hanson
365 J.J. Hardy
194 Joey Votto
76 Jay Bruce
116 Jerry Hairston, Jr.
489 Josh Hamilton All-Star SP

Pack 5:
329 Mike Napoli
275 John Lannan
56 Jake Peavy
317 Brent Dlugach
203 Juan Rivera
92 Mark Teixeira
125 David Hernandez
426 David Price SP

Pack 6:
230 Chone Figgins
385 Hideki Matsui
181 Paul Maholm
123 Nick Punto
269 Edgar Renteria
BF5 Whitey Ford Baseball Flashbacks
418 Jim Thome
80 Michael Cuddyer

Pack 7:
3 Joe Blanton
147 Chris Pettit
308 2009 World Series Game #3
347 St. Louis Cardinals
254 Chris Davis
NF 5 Hassan II News Flashbacks
241 Joakim Soria
175 Scott Rolen

Pack 8:
413 Andrew Miller
119 Royals Bashers
247 Casey Blake
NAP8 Derek Jeter New Age Performers
23 Matt Kemp
370 Mark Reynolds
49 NL Strikeout Leaders
302 Adrian Beltre

Going according to dayf's rules, I went about setting up a team. To make things perfectly clear, I strictly limited myself to base cards only, not even All-Star cards. I'll take the highroad on this one, and dare to declare that anyone using New Age Performers, or picking one guy off a leaders card, or any other type of sleight of hand, is a straight-up punk bitch. I could very well have chosen Tim Lincecum from the NL strikeouts leaders card, but I wouldn't have respected myself in the morning. Heritage cards are a throwback to an era where the baseball was pure, and I'll do nothing to tarnish that.

Straight.
Up.
Punk.
Bitches.

So here's my team.

2 Catchers - Mike Napoli, Gerald Laird

1 First Baseman - Mark Teixeira

1 Second Baseman - Dan Uggla

1 Shortstop - J.J. Hardy

1 Third Baseman - Mark Reynolds

3 Outfielders - Nate McLouth, Juan Rivera, Matt Kemp

7 Pitchers (Starters or relievers) - Joe Saunders, John Lannan, Joakim Soria, Joe Blanton, Tommy Hanson, Jake Peavy, David Price

And the punk-ass reserves...
1 Corner Infielder (1B or 3B) - Joey Votto
1 Middle Infielder (2B or SS) - Nick Punto
1 Outfielder - Jay Bruce (You will be the death of me.)
1 Utility (Any position player or DH) - Hideki Matsui

I quickly realized, especially in a laid-back league such as this, that I will not compromise personal preferences for possible improved results. I could have gone with Michael Cuddyer as an outfielder, but I can't stand his stupid name or his stupid retarded face. Had SupaCatcha J.M. (the guy who I brought to tears with some particularly barbed taunts a couple of seasons ago) shown up in this blaster, his ass would remained remained well-acquainted with the pine in twenty-ten.

All in all, it's a respectable team, verrrrrrrrry weak at the shortstop position, and devoid of just about all of the top 25 players in the league. I love that I have to do nothing from here on out with regard to player management or stat tracking. Just remember to say hello to me from your lofty places in the standings; I'll be keeping the cellar warm, and if you hear any noises down here, that's just me canning preserves.

3 comments:

dayf said...

Wait... you chose Jay Bruce over perfectly legal according to the rules I spent so much time writing Josh Hamilton and you're calling us the punk ass bitches? You have a chance for a mulligan here if your pride doesn't get in the way. You tweak the post, I delete the comment and noone is the wiser. I'm commish so I can authorize shady bullshit like that.

Lincecum's stats would be divided by 4 so he wouldn't be worth it anyway.

Thorzul said...

It's more fun this way. Josh Hamilton will already be on the collective radar of baseball fandom, but Bruce... it will be fun watching him fail or succeed. The real fun of fantasy sports, I've found, has little to do with winning or losing, and mostly to do with following a player more closely than you otherwise would have.

Bruuuuuuuuuuuuce! 2010 turnaround, baby!

dfwbuck2 said...

this would be fun if it were about picking the WORST team with the same rules