Wednesday, December 1, 2010

2010 Card-vent Calendar: December 1

SIKE! (or, alternatively, "PSYCH!")
You really didn't think I'd skip out on Card-vent, did you?

Remember that one year, back in the '80s maybe, when a cosmic oddity caused both Christmas and Easter to fall on the same date as your birthday? Any recollection of that at all? Well, if memory fails you, today will be a little bit better than that. Behold... the grand unveiling of the official 2010 Card-vent Calendar!

Golly, I'm still in the midst of Trade Me Anything IV, and now I get to open the doors of this gin-yoo-wine holiday collectable masterpiece to which only I am privy? Totally radical, dude! (And, to a lesser extent, cowabunga.)

If you're new to this tradition, I envy you. To put it mildly, it's a lot like getting to view Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope for the first time, but in a way that is significantly more sexually provocative, yet at the same time, humble. (Yes, it's hard to explain as well as back up with facts. You'll just have to trust me on this one.) I got this normal-looking Advent calendar, see, and lurking behind those hard-to-open doors are twenty-four trading cards that are judged to be the most sincere. And this ain't your grandfather's pumpkin patch bullshit, these are the real deal, easily the best collection of cards this year.

My hands are shaking with excitement. Before opening door number 1, let's take a look at what's new this year. For one, the calendar itself is a lot less Thomas Nast-y and a whole lot more cutesy-poo. There's penguins and shit on it, an anthropomorphic snowman, and a reindeer with what is clearly financial stake in his community. I mean, just take a look at that lamppost. That style easily hasn't been around since the 1950s, so you can tell that the gentrification of this caribou's neighborhood was swift and merciless. I wonder to which ghetto they hastened the undesirable elements of society?

Socio-political commentary aside, this is also the first year with a landscape calendar format. A Thomas Cole, it certainly isn't, but this horizontal position is certainly the curveball.

Enough hoo-hah, let's unlock that first door.

December 1, 2010:
1999 Upper Deck MVP #54 Michael Tucker

One comment, and one comment only, is necessary for this card:
"Well, well, well, Michael Tucker, you appear to be pretty fucking pleased with yourself."

4 comments:

dayf said...

Damn, I went all Buddhist for nothin'? The Pope wishes to have a word with you, sir.

Totally worth it just for the penguins.

SpastikMooss said...

Agreed, so much love for the penguins. And a "say whattttt?" for Mr. Tucker there. Kansas City Royals represent.

Play at the Plate said...

Cool...penguins.

William said...

I love that Mike Tucker card. I love the 1999 MVP Baseball set. I love Card-Vent.