Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Lynch-mas Everyone!

1987 Topps #697 Ed Lynch

This past year, the Lynch has filled my stocking with coal more times than I could count. I like to think of him as a modern-day Knecht Ruprecht, the malevolent counterpart to St. Nicholas who carries a bag of sticks instead of presents.

Naughty children feel the wrath of those switches, and perhaps that explains my particular misfortunes. Let's review the list of torments the Lynch has brought upon me this year.

1. Aaron Rodgers's fumble in OT against Arizona.
2. The Brewers' M*A*S*H unit of a pitching staff.
3. Brett Favre making things worse in every way imaginable. I'm expecting a Jim Cunningham-esque (Donnie Darko) fate to befall Brett in 2011. The discovery of a "dungeon" would not surprise me at this point.
4. Trevor Hoffman in April.
5. That one fluke loss at Michigan State that will ultimately prevent my Badgers from becoming national champions.
6. Three- and four-point losses. What's it going to take to win a close game, McCarthy?
7. Two words: LaTroy Hawkins
8. Wisconsin basketball losing to an Ivy League team (Cornell) in the second round.

I could go up to ten, but it is Christmas after all. I think I've been good enough this year to warrant a pair of Packer victories to close out 2010 and ring in 2011. If only the Lynch's heart could grow in time to give us the power to defeat the Giants and Bears. (I hope I can look back at this a year from now and bask in what became the beginning to a magical run to the Super Bowl.

Merry Christmas, everyone! (Except for those piece-of-shit Vikings fans. Rivalries don't take holidays.)

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