Monday, May 30, 2011

Wrong Holiday? So What!?!?

Can we still celebrate Valentine's Day today? So what if it's more than three months late, this is a yearly post that I cannot just sweep aside. And I know there are some of you out there who are refusing to die because this post has not yet seen the light of day. Well, today is the day you can say goodbye to that ventilator. Here is my Valentine's Day Card Haul 2011.

My school uses a numbered grading system instead of letter grades. Under this system, a 4 is the best (Advanced) and a 1 is the worst (Minimal). In between are 3 (Proficient) and 2 (Basic). Each card from this year will be assigned a grade. My haul is not as large as it had been the last few years because I have a smaller class. Let's start grading!

Grade: 3

Not exactly an inspired choice, but kudos for giving me the requisite teacher card. The holes punched in the card are for the sucker that came with it. I believe we are in the midst of the 4th generation of Valentine's cards. Let me break it down for you.
G1: Weird, intricate Valentines our parents gave each back in the days before you had to give one to everybody in your class.
G2: The era of the tear-apart sheets of cards. These went into small, not-quite-postal-legal envelopes that were constructed of the thinnest paper possible. This is my generation of V-Day cards.
G3: No more envelopes. Cards are folded in half and held that way with a sticker.
G4: Hold my sucker.

Disney Fairies
Grade: 2

The copy makes no sense whatsoever, and two fake fairies were invented just for this card so Disney could fulfill representation of the races "Black" and "Redhead."

Smiling Hearts
Grade: 2

Text-speak and dopey-looking floating hearts cancel out the presence of a sucker and do not a memorable Valentine make.

Derrick Rose Word Search
Grade: 3

Way to go for the writers of the word search to include the word "zone." Has it really been ten years since that kind of illegal defense was called?

Grade: 2

Is that franchise still around? It wore out its welcome around part 2, but refused to go away. I can't believe that any child would choose this when it's your only shot all year to prove your mettle to your classmates.

Big Heart
Grade: 1

This thing fails on every level. Are there directions for what's supposed to go in those blanks? What's with the Olde English script? Was the child supposed to fill in the blanks, or the recipient? Is your family too poor for real Valentines?

SpongeBob SquarePants
Grade: 3

Sucker. Teacher. SpongeBob. A safe choice that satisfies without wowing you.

Grade: 4

Here's out clear winner. Put all these Valentines in a plastic bag and throw that bag into a dark closet, this is the only one that emerges alive. Batman rocks. Any boy passing these out automatically gains a certain degree of playground cred. Girls, too.

Care to read Valentine's Day Hauls from years past?


Anthony said...

This post is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Who names their kid Irene nowadays?

Cardsplitter said...

Those aren't made up fairies. The yellow one is Iridessa, a light fairy, and the other is Rosetta, I think, maybe Fawn. They are from the Tinkerbell movies.

Yes. I have a four-year-old daughter.

Mad Guru said...

Just eight? Do you teach in a one-room schoolhouse or something?

Fuji said...

Lol... I never thought of saving my Valentine's Day cards from my students. That's one of the things I miss the most about teaching at the elementary level... the kids love you still. At the middle school level, I'm lucky if I get 10 Valentine's Day cards... I won't even go into the Christmas issue.

Personally... I like the Derrick Rose card the best... but Batman is cool too.