Tuesday, December 20, 2011

2011 Card-vent Calendar: December 19

I forgot to open one of these yesterday, so you should get two today.

December 19, 2011:
1996 Pinnacle Denny's Grand Slam #8 Albert Belle

During a 1996 Trip to a Cleveland-area Denny's establishment, Albert Belle was accused of the following:
*Punching a hole in the glass enclosure of the lobby crane vending machine.
*Responding to the hostess's inquiry of "Smoking or non?" with a forearm shiver.
*Leaving a $1.12 tip on a $43.98 check.
*Picking the mushrooms off of his Mushroom Swiss Chopped Steak platter and depositing them in the toothpick dispenser.
*Loudly boasting he would quote "Fuck that bitch up," after his waitress brought him white toast instead of wheat.
*Applying for a line cook position under the assumed name "Jacques Strapp."
*And finally, pulling down his pants and underpants and defecating on a fellow patron's Moons Over My Hammy breakfast meal.

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