December 25, 2011:
2002 Fleer Platinum #32 Javy Lopez
"Guess Who I Am"
(A play in one act)
Somewhere in the American midwest, 2001
Javy Lopez: Hey guys, guess who I am.
John Smoltz: Oooh, oooh, I know, I know!
Javy Lopez: I know you know, don't ruin it, John.
John Smoltz: C'mon, lemme guess.
Javy Lopez: No, let someone else have a chance for once. You always guess these.
John Smoltz: I know, but no one else is going to get this. I know it, I knoooooooow it.
Javy Lopez: Knock it off and let someone else have a turn. Raffy? Chipper? Andruw?
John Smoltz: They don't know it. They never know it. Why bother asking them?
Javy Lopez: No guesses? How about the bullpen? Kerry Lightenberg, you look like you've got it on the tip of your tongue. And Rocker, I know what you're going to say, so don't even go there.
John Smoltz: I can't stand it. He's obviously pretending to be-
Javy Lopez: Wait! That looks like a hand in the air! You want to make a guess?
Odalis Perez opens mouth to speak, no sound comes out.
John Smoltz: Arrrgggghhh, come on, this one is sooooo easy!
Tim Spooneybarger: I know, you're-
John Smoltz: Cthulhu!
Javy Lopez: (stares in disbelief)
There, you made Tim Spooneybarger cry. Are you happy with yourself, John Andrew Smoltz? (Mumbling to self angrily under breath) Fucking resident Lovecraft enthusiast, you don't have to tell me about Lovecraft grumble grumble grumble...
Merry Christmas, everyone! You keep readin' 'em, I'll keep writin' 'em.