Sunday, April 7, 2013

Milwaukee Brewers Solid at Shortstop Through 2048

William John Boehm
Born 4/7/2013 2:18 a.m.
8 pounds 7 ounces
Throws: Right
Bats: Both


This morning the Milwaukee Brewers locked highly touted prospect Will Boehm into a record-setting 15-year, 4.2 billion dollar contract. Boehm, expected to start at shortstop for the 2033 through 2048 seasons, expressed feelings of pride and humility at being given the chance to play for the Brew Crew, back-to-back winners of the two previous World Series championships, against the New York Yankees and Barcelona Toros, respectively. Brewers fourth-year Manager Ryan Braun had nothing but good things to say about the switch-hitting youngster, proclaiming that, "Five tools only scratches the surface of what this kid can do for a ball club."
Boehm's critics have taken issue with his supposed clash of loyalties, not only between teams, but between sports. As the youngest member of the United States Men's National Soccer Team (current holders of the 2030 FIFA World Cup), Boehm has been forced to listen to his detractors make wild accusations that, despite his AAA-leading .672 batting average in 2032, baseball might not even be his primary sport. While it's true that Boehm will miss extended stretches of some June and July MLB games every four years (not to mention an annual absence from mid-week play during Everton FC's deep runs into UEFA Champions League play), he has made arrangements with directors Wes Anderson and Wong Kar-Wai to complete principal photography on any of their upcoming films only during the winter months. News of the Will Boehm signing lit up the Vegas bookmakers like wildfire, with Milwaukee coming in at 5:4 favorites to claim the Pan-National League pennant.

13 comments:

the sewingmachineguy said...

Dude, that's awesome. Congrats!

The Lost Collector said...

Congrats!

--David said...

Congratulations!! That is great!!

unclemoe said...

Congrats

Dennis said...

Congrats, Bill! Omar Vizquel might still want to play SS in 2048, though. All the best to you and Mrs. Thorzul.

Dhoff said...

Congrats! What an awesome prospect.

The Dutch Card Guy said...

Congrats and enjoy !!

Corky said...

Congratulations

Chris Harris said...

Everton in the Champions League? Yeah like that will ever happen.

Spankee said...

Congrats!

Bo said...

Congrats!

Jafronius said...

Congrats! Hope mom and baby are doing alright!

Crowded House said...

Congratulations and best wishes in raising him!