Saturday, February 1, 2014

CC: The Day From Hell

The day I've had needs to end on a positive note, so I'm taking the opportunity to showcase the third and final 2013 Sabathia card I needed. Let's start with the good before I get to the bad.

2013 Panini Hometown Heroes WI State Parallel #286

Pretty nice, eh? This one just refused to pop up for sale for a couple of months, and the first time I saw it, I offered the seller a reasonable sum and he accepted it right away.

So here's today (and much of yesterday). Since about 6:00 a.m. yesterday I've been on the go. I wake up and get ready for work, then work for eight hours. I have my gym bag packed, but I get a message that I have to pick up one of my kids from their grandparents', so that plan goes out the window. On the way there, I make a Target stop, then hit the post office to mail some trades and some stuff I sold on eBay. The automated postage machine is fully operational, except for the part where my postage comes out. I stand in line with the rest of the fucks, this overweight chick fails to respect my personal bubble, and some asshole in front of me can't stop yapping about the bag of packages the next lady in line has with her. "Whatcha got in there, candy? It would be great if you did, we could all eat a piece while standing in line." Fucking old people whose only social outlet is a long public line. When I finally get that sorted out, I pick up my kid, and between there and home I have one goal. My car is driving like shit because the tire pressure is low on like three tires. I hit gas station #1. The air pump box has a handwritten sign on it that reads, "NO WORKING." Would you believe that shit? "NO WORKING?" Fuck, I can't even come up with a comment that can do that sign justice. Alrighty then, I head for gas station #2. This is a new station built within the last six months. I find the air machine, and it indicates you can pay with a card or coins, $1 cash American. I try my card, and absolutely nothing happens. Not a mouse fart. My dumb ass figures, "Maybe it starts up only when you put the pump on the tire nozzle." Fucking stupid. This triggered absolutely nothing, and probably lowered the pressure in the tires to a much more shameful level. The machine seems to be telling me that it would prefer it if I paid in cash, so I go in my car to find a dollar in change. I find three quarters. Fuck it all, I decide to head home.

The rest of the evening isn't all that bad. My wife had made plans for her and a girlfriend to go out for Mexican food, so it was daddy daycare time. The nighttime routine isn't too bad, except for my son is getting over a double ear infection and is taking an antibiotic for that as well as Benadryl as a sleep aid, which he only likes to consume in food. I get him down and start on the girl. A couple of stories, lights out, and I'm free for the evening. Until she starts yelling for me. This, of course, wakes up the boy. I get her calmed down, then attend to the screamer, who had been sleeping like a rock until then. Murphy's Law, right? By some miracle, my daughter doesn't wake up during the getting-my-son-back-to-sleep routine. He goes down, and I start cleaning up some of the house. Ten minutes before my wife gets home, he wakes up again, but I get him down again in about four minutes. I have time to play a little bit of a video game. (One of the characters in this game calls someone a "fuck face," so I was tickled by that. Not one I've heard in some time.) I'm beat, so I turn in relatively early. This is still Friday night, by the way.

'Round midnight, the puking starts.

This is a first for my daughter. Earlier in the week I audibly marveled at our good fortune that there hasn't been any real throwing up from either of the children, EVER. (Not counting baby spit-ups.) I forgot to knock on wood when proclaiming this, so yes, there's an element of truth to the superstition. The horrific cries of, "My foooooood," set off a chain of events that we will look back upon and laugh about one day, but no for some time. (The highlight of which is me standing my daughter in front of the open toilet bowl, and her sobbing, "I don't wanna go in there!" Like I said, it was her first time.) Long story short, the puking spread to my son, and then to the wife. At the time of this writing, I am the only one in the house who hasn't vomited in the last 24 hours. I attribute this to a steady enough diet of alcohol and exercise to keep everything in an tenuous harmony. This puts my wife out of commission most of the night. I'm leaping from bed every few quarter hours, bopping into and out of bedrooms across hallways like a Tom and Jerry chase scene. After several loads of laundry, we start to scrape the bottom of the barrel when it comes to bedclothes. One more bout, and my daughter would have had to sleep on a mattress covered in Ultra Pro 9-pocket pages lashed together with the stems of a wandering jew (Tradescantia pallida). We somehow made it through the night, the puking mostly abated. I got up at 7:00 with the boy and then did the majority of the child-watching as my wife recovered in bed.

Oh, and it snowed this morning. I shoveled at some point when the opportunity arose. My son puked a few more times in the morning, but he was pretty unfazed by it. My daughter napped more than usual, and hasn't thrown up since the nighttime, but her mood is particularly sour. I wanted to sneak in a quick nap before the USMNT match against South Korea, but that sort of fizzled out, too. When the match began, we were getting awesome coverage of an ACC pumkpinhoop game that had run long, so I missed the first goal. I missed the second goal, too, as I was cooking dinner. So yeah, it was a ton of fun watching the game. Everyone got to bed around 8:00, and then I decided to sit down and write this post. Oh, and somewhere in there the Wisconsin basketball team managed to find a way to blow a nice lead and lose to Ohio State at home.

Some Positives:
1. Everton came back from a 0:1 halftime deficit to beat Aston Villa, 2:1.
2. I didn't have to shovel for the neighbors across the street who are in Florida like my wife had promised I'd do, since some other kind soul on the block snowblew for them.
3. Half of a bag of Archer Farms Spicy Korean Barbecue potato chips.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, everyone.

5 comments:

P-town Tom said...

I needed to read that rant. Somehow, it made me feel better after my own not-so-fun day.

My personal favorites, "bopping into and out of bedrooms across hallways like a Tom and Jerry chase scene"
Nice imagery on that one.

and...

"I attribute this to a steady enough diet of alcohol and exercise to keep everything in an tenuous harmony."
I also keep this tenuous harmony. It's an inexact science, but it sure is a fun one.

I hope your Sunday goes better.

Tony Brown said...

Tenuous harmony indeed. Check out the Everton winner if you haven't already. Super Kev!

Bo said...

Looks like I'm not alone either. I'm writing this after midnight for similar reasons. Both wife and 2-year-old daughter with a nasty virus (that seemed to have avoided me) and then my daughter had a vicious face-plant into a wooden chair. And nothing bleeds like a head injury.

I think we (NY) are getting your snow in a couple of days.

Hope your kids and wife get well real soon!

night owl said...

I am going to use "no" when I mean "not" all the time now, especially when I'm in line with old people.

a-baller said...

"Today I was the ring bearer at my uncle's wedding. Everything was going great until all of a sudden there was this huge explosion, and the roof caved in, the chandelier killed my Mother, while my Father burned to death trying to help her and my baby brother. Only 12 of the wedding party survived. The Bride and Groom are both dead. Apparently one of the groomsmen had made a post on a terrorist site and Obama attacked my Uncle's wedding with drones from the sky."- A little boy in Pakistan. Still think your day was really all that bad? BTW this kinda stuff happens every single day in countries like Pakistan and Afghanistan.